Today, we’re taking a break from the author interview series to announce the winner of the Esoteric Sausage flash fiction contest. Contestants were asked to write a very short flash fiction based on the words “esoteric sausage.” Familiarity with my book Esoteric Sausage and Other Malformations was not required for participation.
While reading the entries was certainly fun, picking a winner was definitely my least favorite part. They were all so good! Without further ado, congratulations to Ben Arzate, for his unsettling take on the sausage! Today, I will contact two very close runner ups, whose stories will appear here over the next two days. Azarte’s entry is posted below.
Azarte was offered the prize choice of either a copy of Esoteric Sausage and Other Malformations or Charles Beaumont’s magnificent collection, Perchance to Dream. Happily, he chose the sausage. That means I have an extra copy of Perchance to Dream I still intend to give away. So welcome to the next Esoteric Sausage contest!
Here’s how it works: Leave a review of Esoteric Sausage on Amazon, send me a screenshot of or link to your review, and blam, you’ve entered a random drawing to win Perchance to Dream. Easy as pie. The winning reviewer will be randomly chosen, so be honest in your review. A one sentence, one star review has the same chances of winning as a ten paragraph five star. You can email me your screenshot, or send it to me on messenger.
Now, without further ado, here is Arzate’s winning sausage fiction!
by Ben Arzate
My usual butcher wasn’t in. His replacement had black, insect-like eyes and spoke in a low growl. He recommended a new kind of sausage today. It glowed bright red and featured unusual markings etched in its casing. He gave me a sample. Not only was it tasty, but it made me realize that our existence as humans was malignantly useless and should be extinguished as soon as possible.
He sold me the sausage, and threw in a free ax and a fair length of rope. I’d use them on my wife, my kids, and myself after I fed them the sausage for dinner and they came to the same realization I had.
What a nice guy that butcher was. I’d come back, but since I’ll be dead, I’ll just recommend my neighbors to him first.