Month: August 2018

But a Wrinkle in Time: The Latest Viral Image

By Roman Nokoff The Internet has been abuzz about a curious new picture that surfaced late last week. Like The Dress and the Yanny or Laurel meltdowns before it, this photo is inspiring some heated water cooler debate. Within seconds of being posted, it went viral (duh!) and now the American people have weighed in

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Grave Mounds and Grave Mistakes Album Review

Band: A Forest of Stars Album: Grave Mounds and Grave Mistakes Country of Origin: UK Release Date: 28 September 2018 Genre: Melodic black metal/folk/experimental Label: Prophecy Productions Oh my! What’s happening? Is it possible? Can it really be… a metal cousin of Current 93? In a lot of ways, yes. Needless to say, I’m jumping

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Why Mainstream Horror is Still Dead and Won’t Become a Zombie Anytime Soon

by Zakary McGaha A ton of horror fiction fans are currently optimistic. They’re saying we’re due for another horror boom…you know, like the one in Paperbacks from Hell. Well, I’ve said on multiple occasions in private, and I’ll say it again now: this isn’t going to happen. Nothing is going to bring back the mass-market

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The Beauty in the Breaking

The Beauty in the Breaking “So tell me how to make you happier?” Dr. Harakal starts each consultation the same: positive and hopeful without mention of imperfection or flaw. Contemporary jazz gently fills the office from recessed speakers. A redolence of jasmine wafts from the hidden diffuser. It is a safe space. There are no

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You Can’t Make This Shit Up! Celebrities Gone Weird

WTF News Welcome to You Can’t Make This Shit Up, our new weekly column in which we explore up-to-the-minute news that’s so fucking crackers we couldn’t possibly make it up. The past month has been positively bugfuck with companies like Lime scooters dumping electric rental scooters on the curbs and sidewalks of Venice Beach,  O.J.

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Positively Squidlike

Positively Squidlike Earl woke up one morning to find that he had become a squid. It was an unfortunate discovery. Even so, it wasn’t nearly as unfortunate as the discovery he made shortly thereafter when writhing over to his bathroom mirror on his eight tentacles. Not only was he a squid—his once well toned and

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Open Letter to My WooToob Subscribers

By Skyler Ballz Social media influencer Skyler Ballz visits us today to offer an insincere apology to all that may be unsubscribing from his channel or rethinking a purchase from his merch store. Wut up, dick lickers! I need to chop it with y’all for a minute on the real tip (nah, it’s my mushroom

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10 Weird Movies That Never Got Made

By Bob Freville   If you’re anything like me—a glorified freakshow with a propensity towards hunting through thrift stores for forgotten gems—you’ve likely unearthed a king’s ransom of bizarre and risque movies on VHS or DVD. Many of us have marveled at flicks like Adam Rifkin’s The Dark Backward (1991) or the Mel Brooks-produced The

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The Behavior of the Stars

The Behavior of the Stars Mark stared up at the night sky, but there were no stars to be seen. They were probably hiding; they often scurried behind clouds and laughed at him, which was unbearable. He had seen them move. Sometimes they skipped across so fast that he just caught a glimpse from the

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Put It In Your Mouth—Basse Qualité Cuisine Column # 1

“A Betrayal of the Spud…Dining at The Bell” Basse Qualité Cuisine Column By Bertram Tigot   Born on 21 March, 1962 in the same birthplace as the Apollo space program, Taco Bell is a restaurant that holds a peculiar place in the annals of gastronomy. Having consistently eluded both the Michelin Guide and the Zagat

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