By Skyler Ballz
Social media influencer Skyler Ballz visits us today to offer an insincere apology to all that may be unsubscribing from his channel or rethinking a purchase from his merch store.
Wut up, dick lickers!
I need to chop it with y’all for a minute on the real tip (nah, it’s my mushroom tip. Ooooooh!!!) Nah, but seriously like. It’s with a heavy heart that I put this out into the world for y’all.
A lotta yous think I’m just some meatheaded fuckboi bro, but for real, yo… I’m a human bean. Nahm sayin? Skyler Ballz got the feels and shit. I needed a platform to share with y’alls how I’m really feeling because, let’s face it, this is all about me.
As y’all know, I posted up a very regrettable video last week that I’m fully aware I never should have put out into the world…even though, if you watch the intro, I make it abundantly clear that I think it’s on some next level shit and y’all are never gonna experience something so awesome ever again.
I have more remorse or whatever than you can even imagine. So much regret that y’all should be praying for me right now because if you could see me, I’m full on crying and shit. #TheStruggleIsReal.
If you been online, and I know you have (yo, shout out to the team at my Free Spirit Apparel brand! Woot! Woot!), then you know that on Friday, I posted footage of my handy capable cousin Jerry pretending to jerk off a dead body we found behind a In-N-Out Burger in Van Nuys.
Now, I know this was inappropriate and y’all should totes take me to task on that shit. Seriously, you should totally not Like this post or tell your bros about it and definitely don’t Subscribe to my channel for the chance to win a Free Spirit Apparel surfboard.
What I did was unforgivable…but I’m learning.
I think this is what y’all might call a teachable moment. After much reflection, and a visit to a Yogi in Venice Beach, I’ve decided to stay off WooToob until I’ve really searched my soul. Tomorrow I plan on hopping on a plane and heading to the home of the body…I mean the victim’s family’s house so that they can tell me his story…so that I can share it with you guys…so that maybe I’ll understand why it was so insensitive to have Jerry mime like dead dude was totally nutting in Jerry’s face and shit.
I hope that this trip will be a spiritual awakening and that I can pass some of that awakening on to y’all cuz life is short, bruh. I think I understand that now and probably dead dude understands that better than anyone. I gotta say, dead dude is brave. Probably the bravest guy I know.
This has been a journey of self-discovery for me. I mean, I’ve learned a lot already just from y’alls’s outpouring of support, but like totes don’t support my ass because my ass was in the wrong and so was Jerry’s mouth.
What I’ve learned thus far is that you shouldn’t contaminate a crime scene, even if you didn’t expect to stumble on one and that you maybe shouldn’t videotape murder victims or pretend to blow them or anything because death is effed up and In-N-Out Burger does motherfuckas wrong.
Yo, you should all boycott In-N-Out Burger, kid. I mean, why they lettin’ people kill dudes in they back alley, bro?
I also learned that even though Van Nuys might seem like a chill place to hang, it’s actually where dead dudes are laying around with their pants down and that’s sick. Get a room, dude.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m legit sorry and you shouldn’t buy my new song on iTunes because it’s a diss track and life’s too short for diss tracks. It’s even shorter than that half-pint bitch ass Foolio69 that I was straight up owning on that track (come at me, brah! #SkyBallzVsFoolio2018 #PayPerView).
Just to show y’all where I’m really coming from on all this, I’m refusing to accept AdSense from this apology note, and the video I posted of me and Jerry taunting Jerry’s guinea pig Douglas before subjecting it to the Ice Bucket Challenge earlier today will not be monetized outta respect, for you…and for the late Douglas. RIP, boi. #GuineaPigLife #Dougie4Eva
That’s about it for now, y’all. Just remember. If you see a dead body, don’t make your crippled brother pretend to jack it off because death is some heavy shit and crippleds don’t deserve to look gay on camera or some shit. ‘Specially not behind no In-N-Out Burger #bromophobia #NotSoSecretMenu
And that is a teachable moment. You’re welcome.