Welcome to You Can’t Make This Shit Up, our new weekly column in which we explore up-to-the-minute news that’s so fucking crackers we couldn’t possibly make it up. The past month has been positively bugfuck with companies like Lime scooters dumping electric rental scooters on the curbs and sidewalks of Venice Beach, O.J. Simpson appearing on Sacha Baron Cohen’s Showtime series Who is America and high-fiving the show’s fictional host over the subject of uxoricide and Rudy Giuliani losing his mind in real time on live television.
But all of this pales in comparison to what we’ve learned today.
As TMZ reported this morning, Kim Kardashian-West and other Hollywood celebrities are getting the jump on transhumanists like Elon Musk by having an “alien necklace” implanted in her neck.
Yeah, you read that right. Stars like Kardashian-West are willingly permitting a company called A. Human to install live implants in their throats that light up to the rhythm of their heartbeats.
These neckpieces, which are said to be a part of a larger art project, contain bioreactive crystals which interact with the biological tissue of the person “wearing” them.
Here is an example of one of A. Human’s designs, known as “The Tudor.”
Classy? Sure, if you’re a Cenobite.