Welcome back to You Can’t Make This Shit Up, our sporadic column exploring news too bizarre not to be true. Today we learned that shock rocker and unpredictable multi-hyphenate Marilyn Manson made a dildo with his face on it.
This may not seem particularly outrageous or surprising to those familiar with the God of Fuck’s work or personal life. After all, Manson has had everyone on his dick from Rose McGowan and Dita Von Teese to Florence Henderson and Daryl Hannah (in theory).
With that said, the dildo’s dimensions are almost as questionable as the notion of putting Manson’s face inside of your orifice(s). The Marilyn Manson Double Cross Dildo + Bag, which is listed as costing a whopping $125 before shipping, is eight inches “tall,” but it’s only 1.5 inches in diameter.
Personally, I’m a grower, not a shower, so I’m not one to judge. However, by all accounts, Manson is very well-endowed which makes this news ponderous. We already know Manson’s got a big dong, but if this dildo is, in fact, as “lifelike” as Manson’s web store says, does that mean that the Antichrist Superstar’s many sexual conquests have been handling a bonafide Twizzler dick?
That’s why Silent Motorist is here…to pose the hard questions in these flaccid times. Like, share and comment or we’ll boof your mom.