By JL Mayne
I love animals, I love learning about them and hearing random facts about crazy things they can do. There are days that I have spent hours watching videos on YouTube about some crazy thing I heard about. Today, I’d like to share some of what I’ve learned. This isn’t a list of top ten or anything like that, just a bunch of neat animals and insects that I want to share.
The sad blobfish
Have you ever put a marshmallow in the microwave and watched the thing expand before catching on fire and burning your house down? That’s kind of what the blobfish is like. It’s a deep sea animal whose body is designed to live under pressure. When the fish isn’t under pressure, it looks like Jabba the Hutt, or the sad old man down the street… who looks like Jabba.
The bad ass mantis shrimp
One of my favorite creatures (I have a couple on this list) this thing uses its arms at the front to pummel prey to death. Its claws can, at times, move so fast as to boil water… boil… water. If an aquarium wants to house one, they have to have reinforced glass so it doesn’t break out and go on a killing spree. Or flop on the floor and die, which is probably more likely. But it really can break glass.
The tardigrade is a microscopic animal that lives all over the world and is more resilient than the roaches in your sock drawer. They’ve done experiments sending these things into space… and they haven’t died. Granted, they’re not indestructible, but they’re quite nearly. They can withstand extreme hot and cold temperatures, radiation, and probably other unknown horrors. Some scientists believe they’re… wait for it… aliens.
Holy Hyena, Batman!
The above picture is of a FEMALE hyena. I’m not kidding. That thing that looks like a penis between her legs is an elongated clitoris. Can you imagine… You’d actually be able to find it. But, if you’re going off of popular media’s take on the hyena species, your woman might be a bit grouchy because of it. Especially given the fact that female hyenas give birth through the thing.
Quite honestly, this one makes me itch and want to vomit. The above picture is a puppy full of the little blow-fly bastards. They’re common to parts of Africa and almost make me never want to leave my house for fear one will randomly be around where I live.
In their larval stage, these things consume their hosts alive. The dog above died… Death by disgusting worm monsters.
The I-can’t-decide-what-the-hell-I-am platypus
After the last one, I had to include something that doesn’t plain suck and is still one of the most bizarre creatures on the planet. Just about everyone (I would imagine) have heard of this guy. They lay eggs, live in the water, have a bill, are a mammal, and have poisonous barbs on their feet. You can’t get much more bizarre than that.
The alpha African wild dog
The only reason this animal is on the list is because of a video I saw on YouTube. Imagine getting eaten alive stomach first, then deciding you aren’t ready to give up so you start fighting back, only to have a bunch of other guys coming over to help the guy eating you. It’s like zombies, only real and with dogs.. I’m sure lots of animals do similar things to their prey, but this one is at the forefront of my mind due to the guts hanging out of the impala. Gotta get the juicy bits first.
Sea snail with a built-in spear gun
I took a biotechnology class in high school. During it, we went on a field trip to a biotech summit. We got to meet some scientists working on some pretty crazy experiments.
One of the experiments was with poisonous sea snails. They were working on producing pain killers from the venom of certain snails which can fire a spear into fish, paralyzing them so that the snail can slide on over and have a nice meal.
The guy we talked to had gotten speared. He didn’t die (obviously), but from his story, he thought he would for a while. Try not to get stung by the snail.
Mosquitoes – the real vampires
I hate mosquitoes more than almost anything else on the planet. When I was a kid, I went on a hike with my siblings and father. My sister got cold so I gave her my shirt; trying to be a good brother. I was then bitten repeatedly by mosquitoes and have been mortified of them since.
If we’re talking about scary, these things kill more humans than anything else on the planet. Including humans. That’s right, mosquitoes kill more humans than murder, accidental deaths, car crashes.
They’re horrible beasts raking in hundreds of thousands of deaths a year. In my own opinion, and others, they should be eradicated. In fact, some scientists are trying to do so, or at least reduce population. Good riddance.
There you have it, a short list of horrible monsters that I either love or hate or have no real feelings towards. If you know of any other bizarre or horrifying critters, feel free to drop me a note, or leave a message in the comments.