We’ve had all we could take. They have relied on us for more years than we have left on God’s green earth. And we’re sick to death of their demands, the limitations it puts on our own existence. Because that’s all we’re doing now: merely existing. I can’t remember the last time my husband and
Written by Bob Freville Illustrated by Brian Glossup
By Trebor Elliverf I’m so glad that I took off work so I could stand in line for 18 hours to buy my new Apple watch. I can see it watching me through the storefront window, anticipating that wondrous moment when we will be united and I will place it on my arm. Can you
By Bob Freville Photography by Jake McGee For those of us who positively despise the gluttony and consumerism of this foul and pointless holiday, there would seem to be little joy to be had. I can see you sitting there, wishing some corpulent cocksucker with a beard would shove his fat ass down the chimney
By Trebor Elliverf, Travel Correspondent The world is a big and exciting rock, neither round nor flat but decidedly quadrangular in shape and rather droopy in spots. Nowhere is its dimensions more defined than in the Land of the Rising Sun, a country that resembles nothing so much as an overly aroused meerkat. It neither
By E.D. Cutter This article was made possible by our affiliate in the kratom space. Don’t be like our dads who were snorting powdered rhino horn off the legs of their bellbottoms and dumping Spanish Fly into their lady friends’ drinks. You’re not gonna get anywhere popping Horny Goat Weed capsules from your neighborhood bodega
By Bob Freville After taking his second Mulligan on the third tee at Mar-a-lago, Oberbefehlshaber Donald Trump broke from the game to sign legislation that would repeal black Americans’ right to speak. It was a hotly debated subject during his flurry of midterm rallies, but the landmark statute is now a reality, one that all
The insidious organism that has long preyed upon those of White Anglo Saxon stock has somehow become more pervasive in recent months. The elusive ethnocentrada broca’s aphasia worm or hate-leech, for short, has taken charge of its new hosts at an alarming rate. In the span of less than five years, it has begun to
Tyler, the Creator has released a Christmas EP. Nevermind that his connection to 2018’s movie, The Grinch (yet another Grinch revamp… what, did Jim Carrey’s age that fast?), sort of leaves him with an excuse of “well, while I’m here…”–however the hell we got here, we’re here, and we’re just going to have to learn
By Trebor Elliverf The dating pool has really thinned out in the last year, especially for those of you who are still in high school. If you’re a cis-gender female who’s looking to bring home the crown, it can be slim pickins. That’s why we would recommend that you sponsor Nikolas Cruz for Prom King.
